HUFFPOST HILL - Boehner Bucks.. Alan Grayson Couldn't Beat 'Em, Joins 'Em.. God Be With You, Herpes Monkey
By Eliot Nelson, Ryan Grim & Arthur Delaney
Republicans are brainstorming ways to reward their members for playing by the book, so don't be surprised if you catch John Boehner affixing Buckeye stickers to Jeb Hensarling's forehead. Scott Brown hired former Bush campaign hitmen, so brace yourself for stories about Elizabeth Warren's black/Bangladeshi love child. And at least one lawmaker offered a legislative response to a herpes-riddled monkey on the lam in Ohio. Thankfully, no one has suggested that the Affordable Care Act cover Monkey Valtrex. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Wednesday, October 19th, 2011:
BOEHNER BUCKS: GOP LEADERS DEVELOPING DISNEY DOLLAR SYSTEM FOR REPUBLICANS - Roll Call's John Stanton is reporting that John Boehner and his leadership team are developing an incentive system to encourage conference members to stay in line. The leaders, Stanton writes, hope to "use incentives that range from promising floor action on bills to appearances by leadership in members' districts as a reward for loyalty and a bid to avoid future breakdowns on the chamber floor...Without the traditional enticement of earmarks and faced with a Conference that could see punishments as badges of honor, Boehner and his team are now opting to encourage loyalty from the rank and file." Soon, Republicans will be able to use Boehner Bucks to bring their tenther bills to the floor and skip the lines at Space Mountain.
Permit us this trip down memory lane: In 2008, the GOP was giving oil cans to members for speaking on the floor about energy. POLITICO: "The practice has some Republicans scratching their heads. 'The idea that people who are in the House of Representatives need to give each other awards for talking bullshit, and that's really what it is,' one Republican member said before he trailed off in disbelief. 'What kind of a party is that?' The befuddled member didn't want to be named, perhaps to keep himself in the running for the next round of awards, which will be dished out at the caucus meeting just before the start of recess. Rep. Kay Granger of Texas, vice chairwoman of the caucus, organized an awards ceremony last week to honor members who expelled the most CO2 on the subject of energy. Each of the seven honorees received a commemorative oil can. 'It's not a quart; it was like collectors' memorabilia,' said an impressed [Joe] Wilson, who was not among last week's winners. Those who were: Georgia Reps. Phil Gingrey, Lynn A. Westmoreland and Tom Price; Indiana Rep. Dan Burton; North Carolina Rep. Virginia Foxx; Ohio Rep. Bob Latta; and Pennsylvania Rep. John E. Peterson. 'I've never won an oil can before,' said Westmoreland. 'It's on my desk, absolutely.'" We've come a long way, baby. [Politico]
REID: SENATE TO VOTE ON TEACHER BILL BY FRIDAY - Majority Leader Harry Reid today said the upper chamber will vote on the section of the American Jobs Act that covers teacher and first responder retention by Friday. "We are going to make sure there is a vote on our bill this week," Reid said during a rally on Capitol Hill intended to drum up support for the measure. "The Republicans who work in the Senate suit up every day and come down and play their game in the Senate by following the lead of their leader -- and that is, whatever they do, to make sure they do everything they can to make Barack Obama [lose]." [TPM]
The super committee announced this afternoon that it will hold a public meeting next Wednesday. The bipartisan panel members will discuss, per a press release, "Discretionary Outlays, Security and Non-Security." We're pretty sure "security and non-security" includes basically everything, so monkey herpes should be on the table.
DO YOU STILL BELIEVE IN THINGS? WELL DON'T. - Alan Grayson has, quite naturally, decided to launch a hedge fund.
PARANOID SELF-LOATHING GOP LOBBYIST - Our favorite PSLGOPL took a break from doing #OWS oppo by cross-referencing the posters in Zuccotti park with the Protocols of the Elders of Zion to comment on Alan Grayson's new gig. "I wonder what Linda Robertson would call Congressman Grayson if she knew this information?" (Grayson once called Robertson a "K Street Whore.") Thanks, PSLGOPL!
DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - As of August, 33,958 people were enrolled in the Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan, health care reform's early initiative for the uninsurable. The program seems doomed to go down as Son of Hamp: The administration initially predicted that upwards of 375,000 people would sign up in 2010 alone. The
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MARK PRYOR #OCCUPIES OBSTRUCTIONIST SENATE PROCEDURE - Arkansas Democrat Mark Pryor -- you might remember him from that time you forgot he existed -- is taking a very provocative stand in the Senate. Pryor has blocked all Treasury Department nominees over an Arkansas family's ongoing dispute with FEMA. The Guglielmanas of Mountain View accidentally received $27,000 in disaster relief from the agency a few years ago and that number has ballooned to $37,000 thanks to fines and interest. "The Guglielmanas did absolutely everything by the book, they followed all of FEMA's direction, they did it exactly picture perfect," Pryor told The Hill. "Then three years later, they get a notice in the mail and FEMA says, 'Oh, we messed up. We shouldn't have given you that money because of some technical reason.'" Pryor has yet to pitch a tent in the Senate chamber and demand that all student loans be forgiven, but #occupycongress is just now getting its sea legs. [The Hill]
HERMAN CAIN GETS HIS VERY OWN SUPER PAC - Super PACS are to politics in the 2010s what Jnco jeans were to middle schoolers in the 1990s: you just have to have one (if not seven!). Well Herman Cain will soon don the super-loose denim of unlimited campaign financing, thanks to former Sharron Angle campaign aide Jordan Gehrke. Gehrke launched Americans for Herman Cain during last night's primary debate in Las Vegas, but there's already a snag. Paul Blumenthal: "But the new PAC may already have a problem: The use of the candidate's name in the name of the organization may not be legal under campaign finance laws. Donald J. Simon, general counsel for Democracy 21, said via email that campaign finance laws work to bar independent political committees from including the name of a candidate in their name." [HuffPost]
Cain responded to the speculation that the 9-9-9 plan originated in SimCity. "First of all, I don't even know what SimCity is! Okay?" he said in Vegas last night. "I don't even know what it is. Secondly, it's a lie. That's all i can say! I don't even know what SimCity is." It should be noted that Cain's comments WERE NOT made at a LAN party, so it probably checks out. [HuffPost's Sara Kenigsberg]
Thought you were a funny guy, Herm.
SCOTT BROWN HIRES RENOWN MUDSLINGERS - Scott Brown, the patron saint of satellite campus frat boys who have constructed an ice luge at one point in their lives, has retained the services of some notoriously shady political operatives. Mike McAuliff: "The biggest payout involved more than $46,000 to the robocall firm FLS Connect. That company was linked to a smear campaign on behalf of George W. Bush against Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) in 2000. It was also tied to calls on behalf of McCain connecting Barack Obama to terrorists in 2008. The firm is listed as a fundraising consultant. Brown's election filing also shows that he's been generous to a pair of consultants linked to cheap shots in the current campaign, even though Brown has said he will not accept underhanded tactics. His campaign has paid more than $35,000 to Eric Fehrnstrom and his firm Shawmut Group, and another $12,000 to Willington Media, the firm of consultant Rob Willington. It was Willington who registered the domain name CrazyKhazei.com, presumably to mock potential Brown Democratic challenger Alan Khazei. He has also set up the domain name Queen Elizabeth Warren." [HuffPost]
CFPB TAPS SKIP HUMPHREY - The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau today named Skip Humphrey III to head up the newly established Office for Older Americans. Humphrey, a former Minnesota attorney general, loves him some old consumers.
RICK PERRY PROPOSES DRASTIC OVERHAUL OF TAX SYSTEM BECAUSE THE OTHER GUY DID IT - Let's pray that Herman Cain doesn't propose invading Iran. A. That would be bad in and of itself. B. Rick Perry would then propose we invade Saudi Arabia three weeks later. A third of HuffPost Hill is in Vegas, but we skipped his speech. So here's AP: "Texas Gov. Rick Perry is calling for a flat tax. Perry told the Western Republican Leadership Conference on Wednesday that he'll unveil the tax as part of his broad plan to revive the economy and create jobs. He says he plans to outline his proposal in an economic speech next week. Perry says Americans aren't looking for the 9-9-9 plan that's backed by Herman Cain, one of his presidential rivals. Perry says "flatter and fairer" would be a better policy. But like Cain, Perry says he wants to throw out the current tax code entirely." Also: "I want to make the tax code so simple that even Timothy Geithner can file his taxes on time." Heh. Although Geithner was on time. He just cheated is all. [AP]
Russ Feingold endorsed Heath Shuler for another term in the House. Ha. Totally kidding. That's a lie. He actually endorsed Tammy Baldwin for Senate, but that's nowhere near as interesting or surprising. Still, wasn't that brief moment where you thought Feingold went off the reservation interesting? You're welcome. "[W]ith Karl Rove, the Koch brothers, and big corporations already on the attack [Editor's note: And escaped Ohio zoo animals!!!!], my support alone isn't enough -- Tammy needs all of us in her corner," the former Wisconsin senator and progressive favorite wrote in an email to Baldwin's supporters. [HuffPost's Amanda Terkel]
KUCINICH CALLS FOR TIGHTER ANIMAL REGULATIONS SO MONKEYS WITH HERPES DON'T TERRORIZE OUR NEIGHBORHOODS - The big non-political story of the day was the pack of zoo animals that escaped in Zanesville, Ohio after the zookeeper opened the gates and killed himself. Local authorities later reported that one of the two remaining animals that hadn't been gunned down (!) was a monkey ... with monkey herpes. Sure, the monkey insists it's a bad zit, but that doesn't assuage anyone's fears. Worry not, America! Dennis Kucinich is on the case: "The deaths of the escaped animals from Terry Thompson's property after he released them last night were preventable. By enacting more stringent restrictions on owning exotic pets in Ohio, tragedies like this one can be avoided in the future," the liberal Ohio congressman said in a statement. "Ohio has some of the weakest laws in the country regarding ownership of exotic pets while having among the highest occurrences of incidents involving exotic animals and the public."
BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Kitty dive.
Sweet Jesus last night's debate got weird, right? Whether it was Michele Bachmann's An Officer and a Gentleman-inspired outfit or Rick Perry's sudden bout of dyslexia or Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich blaming each other for listening to the Heritage Foundation or the audience booing...what was it last night, Make A Wish Foundation kids? or Herman Cain just being Herman Cain, it was a real hootenanny. TPM put together a video of Michele Bachmann's Tourette syndrome-y "Anderson!" outbursts to get debate moderator Anderson Cooper's attention. Also, we can't forget that the Republican debate was moderated by a guy whose boyfriend/partner is a gay club proprietor. #America. [TPM]
COMFORT FOOD
- Seven sites you should be wasting time on right now. Our favorite? Bee Dogs.[http://huff.to/qYWB8b]
- Dog with large stick tries to pass through narrow path. Dogs aren't going to overtake humanity anytime soon. [http://huff.to/pfJe0l]
- We're always fans of 90s supercuts, even this super lazy one that features a torrent of unorganized video clips. Carmen Sandiego! Jurassic Park! Some other stuff we remember! [http://bit.ly/kYDmSU]
- We have never met anyone with quite as much swagger as this scarecrow. Then again, we're political journalists, so we're not very conversant in swagger. [http://huff.to/rm4e2U]
- David Lynch cut a trailer for his album that's being released in November. Yes, David Lynch has an album coming out. It sounds extremely schizophrenic. [http://huff.to/qbiyE4]
- "The Assumption Song" is a (mostly) G-rated song that causes the mind to go to very R-rated places. [http://huff.to/nG5n0t]
- We're a little late to the "Real Housewives of Boston" spoof video but it's...compelling? [http://huff.to/qZ65K4]
- Harry Belafonte fell asleep (publicist: meditated) before doing an interview with a local TV station. [http://huff.to/rtXYIQ]
TWITTERAMA
@brianbeutler: "We're here! We're queer! We don't want anymore bears" -- #occupyohiozoo chant
@LEBassett: Let @herpesmonkey be a stark reminder to state lawmakers of the need to step up family planning funding and sex education efforts in Ohio.
@delrayser: "Tell me what zoology looks like! This is what zoology looks like!" - #occupyohiozoo chant
@benjysarlin: This one monkey told me that its kid got a herpes vaccine and now its all retarded
ON TAP
TONIGHT
5:30 pm - 7:30 pm: CQ Roll Call hosts its annual Fall Graduate School Fair. Want to escape this horrendous job market for a few years? Have some money? Or maybe you don't have money and never want to have any ever again? Graduate school! [Columbus Club, Union Station]
6:30 pm - 7:30 pm: Scott Brown takes a break from playing the "do her, do her, do her, not her, do her" game in his head (and out loud, on the radio) to coax some money from his contributors. [The Dubliner, 520 N. Capitol Street NW]
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm: Tim Kaine, he of the permanently electrostatic hair, passes the hat for his Senate campaign. [The home of Frank White]
TOMORROW
8:30 am: Because Dianne Feinstein is a few million short thanks to the sticky fingers of Embezzley McBezzlement, you best believe she will campaign extra hard at her fundraiser. [The Home of Greg Farmer and Jean Marie]
9:00 am -10:00 am: Roy Blunt invites his contributors for an hour-long coffee meeting. For $1,000, do you think its that rare coffee whose beans have passed through the digestive track of a rare Asian breed of cat? [National Republican Senatorial Committee, 425 Second Street NE]
12:30 pm - 1:30pm: Because it's hard to be a Republican in the Democratic playground that is Idaho, Jim Risch takes an hour out of his busy day to ask people for campaign money. [Johnny's Half Shell, 400 North Capitol Street NW]
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